Fall Apart
by jess.stretch
Summary: She couldn't help feeling that he was always comparing her to someone else. And she had the horrible notion that she never measured up to his expectations. TSK Spoilers!
1. Fall Apart

**Hi everybody! This short chapter has been in my brain for a while now, and forced its way onto my computer tonight.  
It contains spoilers for The Stone Key, so if you have not read that book (shame on you!) it won't make a lot of sense to you.  
I am very anxious to hear your thoughts on this story, as it is a character I have not written before, and a part of the Ober Chron that we don't really have much information on. So please please please review! **

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**-Fall Apart-**

He opened the door quietly and entered the dark house. Listening intently, he sighed in relief as he heard nothing but silence. She was asleep. The boys were asleep.

He crept carefully down the hall to their room, and peeked in. A prone form lay on the bed, facing away from him. He gingerly removed his boots and coat, and slid into the bed next to her.

"Nice of you to come home," a sullen voice rang out in the dark room.

"Serra, I told you I would be home late. I said I was sorry, what more do you want?"

"I want to be able to believe you when you say you're sorry, Gilbert."

"I am sorry. I would much rather be here, rather than out in this freezing weather strategising for a rebellion!"

"Then why do you spend every waking hour with Gwynedd?"

"Because I'm his head armsman. He needs me."

"I need you! The boys need you! But sometimes I think you can't see that."

He heard a break in her voice, and felt an irrational anger towards her. Why did she have to be so dependent on him? Couldn't she do anything by herself? "The boys don't need me. They can barely stand me since you been slandering my name in front of them."

"Well, who else do I have to talk to? I can't tell all my friends how my bondmate is never at home because he's helping plan a coup on the Council, can I? We'd be thrown in the Councilcourt cells in a heartbeat."

"What do you want from me? I can't abandon Gwynedd, not right at the crucial moment when he needs me most."

"That's the problem. You won't give up anything for your war-mongering. You endanger your family, and don't seem to care!"

She couldn't put a name to what she wanted from him. A bit of enthusiasm, maybe. A bit of love. Like he was back when they were first bonded. When he was interested in her, in their relationship.

When he had started courting her, it was as if he was fascinated with every little thing she did, spellbound by her appearance, her voice, her teasing retorts to his flirtatious comments. But then it gradually changed, and she felt like he was constantly comparing her to someone else. And she had the horrible feeling that she never measured up. When he looked at her, he seemed to be looking through her into the past, into someone else's eyes. Playing with someone else's hair. Kissing someone else's lips. How long was a girl meant to put up with that?

And then he had gotten involved with Gwynedd, and she had seen him less and less. After the boys had been born, she had hoped he would return to his old self again. But every time he looked at their sons he had that look in his eye, that measuring look that she so resented.

When she spoke again, her voice was thick with tears. "I just want it to go back to how it was," she whispered softly.

He sighed. "I'm not sure we can go back. We've changed."

Anger stabbed through her despair. "Well, then maybe you should just go and stay with your precious Gwynedd then! Since obviously you don't want to be here!"

She would not cry. She would not cry. She would not cry.

Another sigh from his side of the bed. "Maybe that would be for the best."

--

When she woke up the next morning he was gone. She didn't know where, and she told herself determinedly that she didn't care. She would not fall apart.

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**Stay tuned for a possible sequel. I am half plotting a story for Gilbert's return after Elspeth tells him to go back to Serra. I will have another chapter of Mindstream up before that though. A Gilbert and Rushton centric chapter that comes in between this chapter and the sequel. :) Don't be afraid to REVIEW! sends coercive suggestions to review to all readers**


	2. Stitch Me Up

**Wow, it has been a long time! I've let life get away with me, as usual. This chapter is really, really short**. **It was much longer and contained conversation and all that between Gilbert and Serra, but I thought it was rambling along, and not getting anywhere. So the ending is kind of left hanging there, for you to decide whether it ends happily or not.  
Oh, and you should go and read Chapter 6 of my story Mindstream, as it contains the middle bit to this story, when Gilbert is with Elspeth. **

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**Chapter Two - Stitch Me Up**

"Deki, you leave your brother alone right this instant, or you can forget about going to the moonfair!" Serra threatened loudly. The infant just gurgled happily and hit his unamused twin with the carved wooden horse once more.

She sighed. What could she do? No matter how hard she worked, nothing seemed to happen the way she wanted. She had thought once Gilbert had left she would have some peace. A reprieve from the constant feeling of incompetence he forced upon her.

And yet here she was, many moons later, on the verge of tears. On the verge of falling apart.

The pressure of raising the boys by herself, without the security of having Gilbert there as a theoretical backup, at least financially, was proving difficult. And was not helped by the antics of her mischievous little boys.

"Mama?" A small voice inquired. Serra looked down to see her two red-haired sons peering at her angelically from the floor.

Suddenly she couldn't hold back the tears. Those faces, framed by hair the exact shade of Gilbert's, symbolised everything she was striving to protect. But she wasn't so sure she could manage it on her own any more. Tears ran freely down her cheeks, obscuring her vision as she tried to gather the boys into her arms.

No matter how bad things got, she would never let her children go. And she would never fall apart. She might fray at the seams a little, but she would keep stitching those holes back up until she was safe. Until they were all safe. She took a deep, shuddering breath. "Come, my darling boys, time you were in bed."

She was trying to convince Deki to stay in his bed for more than a moment when she heard a rattling from the front of the cottage. Recognising it as an attempt to open to door from the outside, she scooped up a larger version of Deki's wooden weapon of choice from before and moved stealthily down the hall, closing the door to the boys' room on her way out.

As she neared the door, gripping the wooden horse tightly in her hand, she tried to remember if she had closed the latch. She usually did, as a defenceless woman leaving her doors open at night was asking for trouble, but the terrifying possibility that she had forgotten was freezing the blood in her veins.

The door started to open, and Serra could hear the footsteps of the intruder covering the threshold. Closing her eyes and sending a prayer to Lud, she swung the wooden horse with all the strength she could muster.

"Ow! Serra! What in the name of -" the intruder reeled backwards clutching his head.

"Gilbert? What are _you_ doing here?"

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**I really hope you enjoyed it, please let me know what you thought! **


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